HIC The Play

The first, and only, play written by members of H.I.C.

M. Robert Gibson, D. Edmundson (c) 1978

Cast
Murgatroyd Sigismund Yigglesprog – M. Robert Gibson (handbag)
Augustus Spratt – D. Edmundson (Au-gust-us spratt)
Cornelius Cringe – D. Edmundson (Splinn Splann etc)
Theobald Spong – M. Robert Gibson (Oh, so that’s what you want is it?)

Announcer: Hello listeners!
Listener: Hello
(pause)
Ann: Oh sorry – Hello Listener. Ahem. We present a play entitled…
(long pause)
Ann: Well, er, we haven’t got a title yet, but we’re willing to let you send your suggestions in. But wait, what’s this? It’s ‘Mark Gibson’ doing an impression of a scrambled egg.
M G: (Impression of scrambled egg)

Ann: But, unknown to the world, during that rather hopeless impressionation, a man was upstairs in a house in unknown Wricklecrood.
F.X. Dripping water (long time)
M Y-S: Will I ever get this bath filled? Ah! Ah! Aaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhh! (sigh)
F.X. singing (?)
A.S: Murgatroyd, get out of the bath, the water’s coming through the ceiling.
M Y-S: Impossible, I’m not using water. I’m using granny’s cough mixture, lovely and warm you know.
A.S: I wondered why it was burning holes in the carpet. I’ll just get back to reading my newspaper.
F.X. sound of pages being turned
A.S: Ahahah what’s this? ‘Required, 4 men to go on a dangerous mission! Apply 22 Fred Street, Croydon’ That sounds just the job for us.
M Y-S: What! It says dangerous. You won’t catch me going on a dangerous mission, whatever the cost!
A.S: It says £1000 here
M Y-S: What are waiting for?
A. S: Yes, with that money I can afford to buy these newspapers. C’mon, get out of the bath and we’ll go
F.X. splashes. footsteps downstairs. open door. close door.
M Y-S: Come on Augustus
F.X. open door. close door
Ann: 15 minutes to quarter past Friday after 6 our heroes arrived at the local pub
F.X. door opens. pub noises i.e. clinking of glasses
M Y-S: Cornelius!
C. C: Byeuueuah!
M Y-S: Augustus and me are going on a dangerous mission as advertised in the press. We would like you to come with us
C. C: Did you say dangerous?
M Y-S: Yes
C. C: Oh, I’m not going if it’s dangerous, whatever the cost.
M Y-S: £1000 – hang on, we’ve already been though all that
C. C: I heard the words £1000 somewhere amongst that sentence. I’ll come.
M Y-S: We need one more person
C. C: I know the ideal person for you. He’s an old regimental knee stretcher. Come with me!
(pause)
T. S: What! You want me to go on a dangerous mission? Ha, I won’t go whatever the cost
F.X. Dong!
T. S: Oooow, now what was that for?
A. S: Never mind
(All break out into never minds (all 2 of us))
Let’s go to the 22 Fred Street, Croydon
T. S: Why? You don’t live there
F.X. Dong!
T. S: Ooow, I wish they wouldn’t do that


First written 1978

Yet another unfinished radio play from the Odd Tripe gang. Still heavily influenced by The Goons.

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