So here it was, the very first time, officially, that two races, from different planets, indeed different galaxies, had met.
“I have squandered wealth beyond my mildest dreams and still find myself no nearer the answer? In God’s name, man, is the Earth flat? You look to me to be an educated individual?” said the alien ambassador.
“Well I must thank you for that. You are most gracious. Let me genuflect.” So saying, our ambassador did up his flies and saluted the flag. “That’s nice, not ‘arf.”
“There can be nothing better than (except lots of things) than the passing of three things – water, words and gifts, so, my friend, I pass to you this ancestral token – “KUAI” or filth.
And accepting this with a graceful shin, the reciprocal gratuity was produced. A full set of ivory-handled, silver cutlery and a small arachnid with legs.
“Do you have no shame, you swine?” asked the alien ambassador. “Why, in my homeland you would be pickled in nasty liquids for what you have just done, but I am civilized and only demand something terribly expensive?”
“Let me thank you most wetly for your kind words, I’m sure we all agree that these gifts are most moist and must be most treasured, and will be, for eons to come.
“Excellent! Here! Watch me, I am a semi-finalist and fish are my friends.” With that he removed his outer garments and revered them, revealing a cunning optical illusion, a la C.I.A. Then shat!
So as the ceremony was left, he tripped over the carpet and spilled his beer over the ambassador, who melted, thus revealing the true nature of the so called amicability.
(c) M. Robert Gibson and T. Martucci
Written late 1980s
The authors simply alternated writing paragraphs without knowing what the other had written. Hence the somewhat disjointed result.
We were probably drunk as well
M. Robert Gibson 