Darts at the Town Hall

It was Monday the thirteenth of March, 1978. Straight after school, I went round to my friend’s house. We had our tea there and watched television until seven o’clock. We had put on our best clothes and were looking very smart. At seven my friend and I got into his father’s car, and he drove us down to the town hall. It was now a quarter past seven, but the concert did not start until eight and already there were about two hundred people queuing up. Soon Mark and I were in about the middle of the queue, people were arriving very fast.

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Kajar and the Merchant of Khava

After docking at Khava in the land of the giant wyrms, Kajar headed straight to the souk to confront the merchant Wipnozz. He found the shop and, stepping over a pile of stones in the doorway, entered. Wipnozz, about to greet the customer, scowled on recognising him.

A Day in the Life of a Teacher

The alarm pierces my sleep. I open my eyes a fraction of an inch to see the time. Seven o’clock. Just five more minutes, I think and close my eyes. When I re-open my eyes, ten minutes have gone by. I leap out of bed, pull on my trousers and dash to the bathroom. Thirty-five minutes later I start the car and the rest of the family get in. One hour and five minutes later, after dropping off the children and wife, I pull into the school car park.

But With A Whimper

So here I am, at the end of the universe, watching the final star die.

Bored with existence, I tried counting every star, but gave up when I forgot my place.

Breakdown

“Hello, you’ve reached the AA. What’s your emergency?”

“Hi. I’ve been space truckin’ for 2000 light years in my interplanetary craft and was about to re-enter Earth’s stratosphere when my thrusters failed.”

I’m Going Home

I’m going home
Home once again
Going home
Once again
I gotta senile baby (see my baby)
And she’s locked up in the pen

Over to the Final of the Football Galaxy Cup

“Well Jeff, the 90 minutes are almost up. I wonder how much injury time there’ll be?”

“Me too Geoff. Wait. The linesman is holding up the board. It’s… I don’t believe it! Another 42 minutes! Where did all that time come from?”

Santa in London

A Play

[Story]
One day, as Santa was riding on his sleigh, he was attacked by robbers, and he was put in a cave.

[Flick]
Leave him there, he’ll be all right.

[Ron]
Okay, come on, let’s get out.

[Dead-eye]
Hold on, what’s the rush? The fuzz won’t be around for a while.

[Story]
They set off, leaving Santa in the cave, until a policeman found him. He took him to the police station where he was questioned by a C.I.D. man, and once they had their description they sent out radio messages to all places.

I Wanna Get Close To You

I wanna get close to you, baby
I wanna feel you
I wanna squeeze you
I wanna see you
I wanna smell you
I wanna get close to you

Meanwhile, over at the Temporal Criminal Police Organization

Time-car 54 buzzed and rookie officer Walker emerged, grinning.

“Mission accomplished! I’ve terminated Judvar before he came to power.”

“Who?”

“Maxomp Judvar. The Butcher Emperor of Europe.”