The Murder at Porthesqueue Manor

By The Nosbigs (Kram and Eyak)

All the Porthesqueue’s friends were at the manor for young Charlie Porthesqueue’s 20th birthday, which would turn out not a happy one.
If you want to find out what the unhappy bit was, read on NEXT WEEK

[pause]

NEXT WEEK, now read on…

Mad Hour Part One

[Male Host]
Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, it’s…

[Female Host]
(Theme music)

[Male Host]
Mad Hour

[Female Host]
(Notes) (Fanfare)

[Male Host]
A completely new comedy show with some sense in it.
Firstly, we will go over to the hall of records.

I Own a Little Ranch in the Middle of the USA

Oh I own a little ranch in the middle of the U S A
(Glory Hallelooya)
Oh I own a little ranch in the middle of the U S A
(Yeh, yeh, yeh)
Oh I own a little ranch in the middle of the U S A
(Aaaaa [deep breath] aaaaaa)
Oh I own a little ranch in the middle of the U S A
(Middle of the U S A)

Odd Tripe Encyclopedia of Rock Entry

Another episode in the short history of Odd Tripe, this time the spoof entry in the New Musical Express Encyclopedia of Rock

Cuthbert Cramp – In Reply

Cuthbert Cramp
Puddle Drinkers Ltd
25 Tooth Street
Catford

Herbert Plonk
Minister of Knees to Retired Bolivian Penguins
c/o Horatio Kneestains
Academy for the Toothless
East Finchley

Dear Mr Penguins,

The Rabbit

There it was, in the reeds,
It didn’t see me, it couldn’t see me.
Step by step I got closer,
So close as to see its eyes,
Red and bulging.

HIC Part The Second – Conditions of Enrolment

Take the oath without smiling or laughing or in any way showing your mirth.

The oath is to place your right hand upon your chest, clenched, and say HIC, without laughing, of course.

If you should fail to not laugh, thou shalt then have to say:

Mangoes on the crings

then do the oath.

My Family At Breakfast

For the first time today I open my eyes. Fifteen minutes earlier, my mother had put my bedroom light on to assist with waking me up. I wait until my father has finished in the bathroom, then I pull back my continental quilt, put on my trousers, and go into the bathroom. Five minutes later, fully washed and fully dressed, I enter the kitchen.

A Clash Of Personalities

Fiona was a very attractive girl of eighteen. At school she had always been a good dancer and had wanted to lead her own dance troupe. Her dream had been fulfilled. She left school at sixteen to join a dancing academy. There she had excelled in all she participated in. Other girls had gone to her for advice on certain steps and she had shown them. At seventeen she was offered a place in a dancing troupe, but she turned it down knowing that she would have been led when she wanted to lead. At school she was a leader. She was always the first girl to ask a boy to dance at discos, knowing that others would follow her example.

Joseph in Prison

The Locksmith’s Guild, who are never mizen,
proudly present, Joseph in Prison

* * *
[Gaoler]
Get in there, you horrible mug
For a few more years, you’ll be snug

[Joseph]
Now your people’s future’s mizen
also I’ve been thrown in prison.