Cuthbert Cramp – In Reply

Cuthbert Cramp
Puddle Drinkers Ltd
25 Tooth Street
Catford

Herbert Plonk
Minister of Knees to Retired Bolivian Penguins
c/o Horatio Kneestains
Academy for the Toothless
East Finchley

Dear Mr Penguins,

Dear Sir, I Wish To Complain

The Editor,
The Daily Goon,
23 Pling Street,
Croydon,
London.

Dear Sir,

Dear Brutus Walrusus

Dear Brutus Walrusus,

How are you feeling? I myself am fine.

Yesterday, Caesar returned here to Rome. Oh joy!

Dear Dave

Apartment 4a
Guesthouse Grime
Ave. Victor Hugo
Paris
30th June 1977

Dear Dave,

I have the greatest of good news to tell you. Have you heard of the Moulin Rouge in Paris? If not I recommend it to you for the greatest night out you will ever have had. I shall describe my night out in there and I am sure that you will be envious of me.

Dear Fred

13 Bad Luck St
Deathsville
Hangmans Valley
Transylvania
Friday 13th December 1975

Dear Fred,

This pupil of mine has been giving me trouble again, you know last week he tried to start a fire using desks and scrap paper. Well, this week he tried abseiling down the windows using the Venetian blind cord. It snapped, of course and he fell onto a desk and broke the lid in half. He didn’t hurt himself but just said “‘Tis a bad blow for Captain Gibson.”

Dear Johan Strauss

211,165 The High Street,
Hamelin,
Hanover,
Brunswick,
2nd June 1376

Dear Johan Strauss,

As you have probably heard our dear little town of Hamelin has been rat infested for a couple of months, and they seem to be multiplying and we can’t do anything about it. Ye major and his corporation are just sitting and pretending to think. We are thinking of going on ye protest march to ye mayor and taking our problems to him.

Yours truly,

M